So I happened upon this video the other day, and it prompted a writing idea…

Watch:

Here’s my take: these babies are my sister and me. I posted the vid on Facebook the other day and asked her if she knew why these babies are us. She did the quick take, surfacy answer: “Because you’re always messing with me.” However that is not the reason.

Nope, these babies are us because I’m the one always trying to laugh and find the bright spots in life, while having to deal with her emo-ness. (Watch those babies again and tell me that you don’t think that dark headed baby is emo!). My little sister has always been so much more emotional than I am. I’m not saying that I’m the good-mood girl and she’s not — because she’s the “good time girl” — but the fact is, I’ve always felt like I had to help her stay happy. When she’s gotten mad at me, that madness lasts and lasts, and sometimes feels like it will never end. And, I have to laugh, pretending that the madness doesn’t hurt. I’ve become so good at it, that it’s second nature now; an unconscious act that I don’t even pay attention to.

Until this past week when she really hurt me, and I can’t find the “sunny,” bright side of the situation. I’m sure I’ll get over it eventually, and I won’t hold it against her. But right now, I can’t. I love her more than life itself, and I’ve only ever wanted to take care of her. When we were little, I was her translator because no one could understand her speech. We got through our crazy-mama’s craziness together; we lost a brother together.

But through all this, I’ve always known that I had to be the “happy” one. If I was too sad about something, it made her sad, and I didn’t like it. (I still don’t). Back to the baby video, though….the dark-headed baby is fussing some, and the light-headed baby keeps laughing, totally ignoring the moaning his/her counterpart. The conversation probably goes something like:

Baby 1: Don’t leave me.

Baby 2: Haha…I love you. We are best friends forever.

Baby 1: I will always be afraid you don’t love me.

Baby 2: I will never stop loving you.

Baby 1: Even if I do stuff to make you mad or hurt your feelings? Or if I make you feel left out of my life most of the time?

Baby 2: Yes, even then. I will never stop loving you. I might get mad at you sometimes.

Baby 1: You will get mad at me?

Baby 2: Yes, look how you’re eating my arm? I will get mad at you. But I will always love you.

Baby 1: Forever?

Baby 2: And ever!

Baby 1: heehee….

So, for my baby sister….here is some musical advice from me to you:

Keep on the sunny side!!

I won’t be breaking your heart!

I wish for you to know this about yourself and how much you mean to me:

But this is probably what she wants to say to me:

All in all….sisters fight over silly things sometimes. Our feelings get hurt, and it’s always the “last straw.” This tiff will pass and I’m sure we’ll learn something about ourselves, but the hurt I’m feeling right now is pretty strong. Maybe the songs are really for me and not for her. Maybe I’m trying to say that I’m still laughing, but look in my eyes — I’m just too stupid to cry.

sols_6I hate that my first Slice for 2013 will be short; however, I have a good excuse. I have a new family member living with me. My brother’s son, Pete, moved in last Friday. Both of his parents are dead–my brother died when Pete was three, and my sister-in-law died this past September.

Pete’s been just…floating, for lack of a better word. Not working, not going to college, not hanging out with people his age. So, I decided to take over his life. Get him on the “right track” (whatever THAT means!! Heehee). As a start, he’s had daily “assignments” which he’s completed with not much complaining.

Tonight was a reward: Barnes & Noble!! Yay!

And now it’s late & we just got home a half hour ago. I’m too old to be up this late!!

Teaching makes me so tired. Some days, I’m so exhausted by 1:30 that I don’t know if I’ll make it the rest of the day. But I do. I’m not doing any heavy lifting — nah, nothing fun like that. No, my brain has been differentiating, counseling, instructing, herding cats (my students, of course), nagging, reading and writing. Phew…I’m tired all over again!

So on days like this, I need a little pick-me-up. TV? No. Exercise? I wish! Nope…I think about my little children in a Proms & Potties episode!!1

Proms    travel-the-world

Okay, well, Jake is a junior in college and doing well. He’s all on his own — except he refuses to try to find a job. But…he’s finding free things to do, mooching off his friends, and living on the measly $100 I give him each month. But he wants to leave me. Yep, he called last week to say that he wants to study abroad (cue the crude “I-hope-she’s-cute” joke). First, it was South Africa; then, Ireland; my favorite, New Zealand; settled on London. Yes, I’ll let him go–that’s my job. But I’ll cry and worry every day. Wonder if he’ll call or forget his raincoat. What if he doesn’t meet any friends? Or what if he gets mugged? Or worse, what if he gets a job, loves it, and gets an offer to move there. Can I be a separate-continent kind of mommy?

Potties    

Just like Jake, Lily has started leaving me. We went to the bookstore a few days ago, and the LilyBelle said she had to go to the bathroom. I told her to wait because I had just sat down…and SHE SAID, “I’LL GO BY MYSELF”!!! Yep, I couldn’t believe it either. After the go-to-the-bathroom-by-myself incident, she spent the night with our next-door neighbor. Then, I had to take her to a basketball game with me (I had gate-duty); Lily satbag-leaving-little-girl-lost-train-running-Favim.com-469424 with some of my students, found a friend she knows, and proceeded to run around for an hour meeting new people, seeing one of her teachers, and hugging on the teachers I work with. I didn’t see her for the two hours I was taking up money.

 



So…even though I’m brain-dead practically from teaching all day, my sweet, sweet babies always give me much more to think about. I can deal with it. Hopefully!! 😉

The movie producer/writer, Nora Ephron, died last week. It was all over the news and Twitter, and everyone it seemed had good things to say about her. She did do several movies I liked: Silkwood, When Harry Met Sally, and whatever that Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan movie was where they meet at the Empire State Building.

Anyway, one tweet I read took me to a website that reprinted a list that Ephron had ended one of her books with (I Remember Nothing). Here is the link to the site and her writing: Nora Ephron’s Lists. I don’t know the context of the lists because I haven’t read the book, but I immediately felt I had a topic for my own set of lists: my journey dealing with breast cancer and having a genetic component attached to that diagnosis. Maybe my lists will help me put some things behind me, so I can move on to the wellness part of my life.

Things I Won’t Miss

Being bald

IVs

Sympathetic stares from people who don’t know me

The emergency room

Locking the bathroom door

The long drive to Winston Salem

Shaving

Being out of work

Feeling helpless in the face of the unknown

People who tell me how great my hair cut/color is — IT’S A WIG!!

Bras

Cold ears

Scars: inside and out

Things I Will Miss

The doctors and nurses for being gentle and concerned with my healthcare

Time alone with Kevin on a regular basis (even though it was stressful)

Being normal — not a mutation

Cuddling with LilyBelle like before I lost my breasts

Feeling like a girl (woman)

Bras

Napping whenever the mood strikes me

Threatening to show Jake and LilyBelle my baldness if they didn’t stop arguing/aggravating each other

My sister being at my beck and call

Estrogen

Law & Order SVU marathons all day Tuesdays

All-day read-athons

Coconut cake on chemo day

I have to say that writing the second list was harder — I had to dig deep to find some value to this experience that is part of who I am now. It’s difficult to accept changes, especially one like this. I’m grateful, though, for what I found.

What sort of topic would you use to write you’re own lists?

Today, my sister and I were able to spend the whole day together — alone. No silly husbands. No interrupting kids. No fussy mother. Just us. It was beautiful! We talked about stupid sister stuff, like how hard being married is and hopes for our kids. We reminisced about younger years (“Do you remember…?”) and tried to get each other to remember long-lost events and people.

But the thing that I loved the most was hearing her be that little girl I remember so well. She never knew how much I envied her carefree view of life — finding joy in little things like gossip and getting an autograph of a famous person. She’s able to talk to anyone about anything — and in that way, she reminds me of my grandmother. I remember being in awe that she could connect with whoever she came across — my sister has always been like that. Fearless. I still envy her ability (but don’t tell her!)

It’s hard growing up and growing apart. But we’ve come to appreciate our relationship so much more now that we are old (and she grew out of my shoe size!). It’s cliche to say that your sister is your best friend, but in my case, it’s true. She’s the only one who I want to share my good and bad times with because i know she won’t judge me —and if she does, I’ll just remind her of this:

(She slurped this down in like three seconds and said: “Oh, man…I hate the bottom of the glass!” haha…)

I think I’ve written about one of my favorite shows before: Raising Hope. It comes on Fox, Tuesdays, although because I TIVO it, I don’t know what time! Anyway, I was catching up with the last two weeks, and one of them was called “Spank Butts, No Spanks” where the main character, Jimmy (baby Hope’s dad) had to decide if he was going to spank Hope for disobeying. I loved this because Jimmy parents told him about the “one time” they decided to spank him and “look how well you turned out”! haha…The spanking incident is recounted and Jimmy, even though he can’t believe they spanked him, thinks it wasn’t so bad. But he can’t make himself spank Hope.

This whole episode reminds me of the Kevman, and how he’s had such a hankering to spank Jakey-poo and LilyBelle. It kills me because he threatens them all the time (well, not Jakey-poo now, of course), but he never did. He always chickened out. I think it was because he didn’t want to hurt them (I, on the other hand, am the spanker in the family. A pop on the tush has gotten me out of some rocky situations; however, they were/are few and far between). But the Kevman just can’t bring himself to do this. I find this an endearing trait in my sweet-sweety.

Here’s the link to the episode on FoxTV — I can’t find just one clip from YouTube. If you watch it, the twist should crack you up — and you’ll be able to see what the dude I married is really like! 😉

I’m trying to figure out how it’s almost spring when there was never really a winter! haha…When the Kevman and I lived in Vegas, I couldn’t wait to get back to NC so I could have more than two weather types: hot and hotter! This “winter” though has been more of a Vegas year, haha…but who could get mad about such pretty pictures like these?

 

                                                      

Pretty days like this one make me think about days at the beach and being out in the sun. The best part of this summer will be that I’ll be on the recovery end of one horrific year! I’m going to figure out how to take it one day a time and not wish my life away — even the bad parts right now. A person has to grow during times of stress, right? I mean, if not, what was the point of going through the rough spots? My growth, I think, is learning to take better care of my health and the Kevman’s health. I want us to have a stupid hobby together — like not knowing how to play tennis or almost drowning at scuba diving. Just something to keep us active and feeling alive — not sitting around waiting for the next medical crisis.

I mean, if we aren’t here, WHO would be around to listen to the LilyBelle complain about being BORED and having NO ONE to PLAY with??

😉