**Just a warning: if you’re offended by talking about body parts, you might want to skip this one…;)
It’s been six weeks since I became breast-less (see my previous post for background info). In that time, I’ve cried, pouted, and , yes, laughed. Not MUCH laughing — just when I try to talk about my boob-less state. I’m not in a place mentally where I’ve accepted that I’m really going through this ordeal; however, I think I’m doing a decent job most days using sarcasm to mask my fear.
Surprisingly, I don’t really appreciate the loss of my boobage. I mean, sure, I wanted them to be perky and in the same place they were before I had kids — or got somewhat old. But who goes “Yay, sure, I have cancer, but I get new boobs out of it!”? The fact that when faced with a mastectomy, women are automatically offered reconstruction, tells me that I’m not the only one concerned with this issue (I really didn’t think I was anyway). For the last several weeks, I’ve noticed how these particular body parts have impacted my life. So, I thought a song would be fun for today. A song to sum up the feelings of one woman trying to cope with a new life as a breast cancer statistic. And, like all good reading lessons, there are vocabulary words to preteach:
* nits = LilyBelle’s word to describe me now (NO + tits)
* foobs = the term I use for my prostheses; however, I may have to give them “real” names (FAKE + boobs)
*noobs = the term for what happens after my reconstruction (NEW + boobs)
* tit-fill = the term to describe the procedure my plastic surgeon uses to fill the expanders with saline; this happens before I have the implant surgery
I Miss My Boobies (Sung to “Oh, My Darling, Clementine”)
Oh, dear boobies. Oh, dear boobies,
Oh, dear forty-four double Ds
You are lost and gone forever
Oh my dear boobies.
~~~~~
In the middle of December,
A mean old doctor sliced you off.
And now I’m lost, lost, lost without you,
Oh my dear boobies
~~~~~
I never thought too much about you
Only how my clothes looked bad,
Just because you were always sagging
Oh my dear boobies
~~~~~
But now I know what all you did to
Help me out all through the day:
Hold the seatbelt, keep me balanced,
Oh my dear boobies
~~~~~
When Lily needs to be comforted,
You’re not there to lend a hand.
All that’s left me are some stupid nits
Oh my dear boobies
~~~~~
You’ve been through a lot in such a short time
It must be hard to end up as waste.
Spending your time gettin’ tit-fills
Oh my dear boobies
~~~~~
Are you jealous when I wear foobs?
Is that why they hurt so bad?
You’ll be replaced with perky, cute noobs.
Oh my darling boobies
~~~~~
I miss my boobies; I miss my boobies
Can’t the doctor give them back?
Well I guess he really is, just
Not the real ones hangin’ ’round!
January 31, 2012 at 7:57 pm
I hope I would have at least a fraction of your humor and spirit in the same situation. I love your new words, they are perfect! I missed your last post so I had to catch up. Your words have moved me deeply.
January 31, 2012 at 8:28 pm
Elsie, you give me too much credit…After “singing” this to my husband tonight, he told me I had too much time on my hands!! haha…Thank you, though for your kind words. 😉
January 31, 2012 at 9:04 pm
Your courage and positive spirit shine through in this post! Thanks for sharing such a private experience with us!
January 31, 2012 at 10:22 pm
I went back & read your earlier post too. How great you are to take time to write such a thank you to everyone. I also have to say I sang right along up above, & will share this with a special friend-it hits the mark exactly & certainly I hope helped you too, & made you laugh as you wrote, & re-read. Thank you for sharing this with us, & for doing it so well!
January 31, 2012 at 10:38 pm
Linda….I started writing this in my head earlier today, and it did help. When I was almost finished, I sang it for my daughter (who’s 5), and she helped me with the last stanza! haha…I hope if your friend reads it, she can laugh a little, too.
By the way, I wrote a two-voiced poem the day I threw away my bras — but it’s not fit for public consumption! haha…
February 1, 2012 at 8:10 am
Love it-it’s stuck in my head. Thanks!
February 1, 2012 at 8:11 pm
Lmao!!! I just read this blog & sang your song in my head .. Now I’m laughing & crying … I thought you said I wouldn’t cry ??? Jesus Stephanie nobody would make up a song like that but you & Lily lol I love love love you & can’t wait to see ya this weekend 🙂