**Just a warning: if you’re offended by talking about body parts, you might want to skip this one…;)

It’s been six weeks since I became breast-less (see my previous post for background info). In that time, I’ve cried, pouted, and , yes, laughed. Not MUCH laughing — just when I try to talk about my boob-less state. I’m not in a place mentally where I’ve accepted that I’m really going through this ordeal; however, I think I’m doing a decent job most days using sarcasm to mask my fear.

Surprisingly, I don’t really appreciate the loss of my boobage. I mean, sure, I wanted them to be perky and in the same place they were before I had kids — or got somewhat old. But who goes “Yay, sure, I have cancer, but I get new boobs out of it!”? The fact that when faced with a mastectomy, women are automatically offered reconstruction, tells me that I’m not the only one concerned with this issue (I really didn’t think I was anyway). For the last several weeks, I’ve noticed how these particular body parts have impacted my life. So, I thought a song would be fun for today. A song to sum up the feelings of one woman trying to cope with a new life as a breast cancer statistic. And, like all good reading lessons, there are vocabulary words to preteach:

* nits = LilyBelle’s word to describe me now (NO + tits)

* foobs = the term I use for my prostheses; however, I may have to give them “real” names (FAKE + boobs)

*noobs = the term for what happens after my reconstruction (NEW + boobs)

* tit-fill = the term to describe the procedure my plastic surgeon uses to fill the expanders with saline; this happens before I have the implant surgery

I Miss My Boobies (Sung to “Oh, My Darling, Clementine”)

Oh, dear boobies. Oh, dear boobies,

Oh, dear forty-four double Ds

You are lost and gone forever

Oh my dear boobies.


In the middle of December,

A mean old doctor sliced you off.

And now I’m lost, lost, lost without you,

Oh my dear boobies


I never thought too much about you

Only how my clothes looked bad,

Just because you were always sagging

Oh my dear boobies


But now I know what all you did to

Help me out all through the day:

Hold the seatbelt, keep me balanced,

Oh my dear boobies


When Lily needs to be comforted,

You’re not there to lend a hand.

All that’s left me are some stupid nits

Oh my dear boobies


You’ve been through a lot in such a short time

It must be hard to end up as waste.

Spending your time gettin’ tit-fills

Oh my dear boobies


Are you jealous when I wear foobs?

Is that why they hurt so bad?

You’ll be replaced with perky, cute noobs.

Oh my darling boobies


I miss my boobies; I miss my boobies

Can’t the doctor give them back?

Well I guess he really is, just

Not the real ones hangin’ ’round!