i hate love. i think it’s overrated. my students leave class yelling, “i love you, mrs. mccabe!” they don’t. i was mean this afternoon to one of my meanies from last year–i think he needed to talk–but he came at the wrong time/class; a time when my “love” was at it’s worst.  so i yelled at him and made him go away. well, he shouldn’t have been in my class anyway, but that’s a “whole nother story”!!! anyway, when he left, he turned around and said, “remember i love you, mrs. mccabe.” i almost called him back.

lily tells me she loves me, but she still cries every single morning when i drop her off at preschool. every day, i get the question: is today the last day? jake says he loves me, but just now he was “too tired” to answer my text!! he’s coming home for a visit, and i’d texted him at 8:00 to see where they were. but, alas, it was just too much trouble to type “hickory” into his phone and press the green “send” button! kev says he loves me, but i’m still not driving a jaguar! or a mercedes! the jag was supposed to be my birthday present when i turned 40–but, now i forgot; i’m only 29!! whew! he still has a few years left to save up!

but “i love you” is just a group of words. they don’t really mean anything. it’s the action behind them that really counts. do you love someone because you say the words, or for the things you do to make their life better? i’m only saying this because those words get thrown around a lot by good-meaning people. i mean, when was the last time i wrote a love letter? truthfully, it’s been a while. but more importantly –because this is all about ME! ha!– when was the last time someone wrote a love letter to me? i found some writing i did for kev several years ago–writing i know he’s forgotten about SINCE I FOUND IT BEHIND  HIS DRESSER!!!–and i think i did a decent job of pouring out my heart which is not an easy task because i try not to think about stuff like that most days. so where are my love letters? i used to have some. at some point, somebody somewhere felt emotion toward me and penned feelings. but, a house fire and a bad boyfriend destroyed my past, so i have no record of love. did it ever exist?

and where’s kev’s love letters to me? yes, he gives me cards for whatever holiday requires them (except valentine’s day because i’ve sworn that one off!). but where’s HIS letters? where’s jake’s love letters? the ones that tell me how he’s doing at college and how much he misses me and how he wished he’d listened to me more about studying and he really should have read my 13 Tips for College because it would have saved him $200 in lost-Hollister-jeans because people are crooks and can’t be trusted and i probably need to end this sentence because i think it stopped making sense a while ago!! anyway, i found this really cool pic of a love letter and had to share it….

all i’m saying is i’m needing some love, but with all my love of language and hyperbole, it’s my karma to NOT get any love through writing. why can’t i have lived back in victorian times when the ONLY communication was through letters?  go write someone a love letter today! 😉

**i totally hope no one reads this because it’s a totally lame post. but, given that today is thursday, not tuesday, my odds are GREAT!! haha!

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