oh my god…i’ve been sitting here for twenty minutes trying to pull a writing topic out of my head, my battery is already at 50%, and lily won’t SHUT UP!!  i’ve decided i need a life swap.

these are the rules:

(1) i don’t want to take the place of anybody else’s mother–so i’m not looking to be a new contestant on that stupid “wife swap” show on ABC…

(2) there can definitely be NO TODDLERS anywhere in my vicinity–i am too old to be dealing with that (yes, i know….haha…how ironic!!)

(3) teenagers are a no-no, too.

(4) and especially–no mothers!

(5) a starbucks should be either around the corner or within walking distance

(6) the house/apartment must have a pool–and a cute pool boy to look at (clarification: the pool “boy” must be of legal age! haha…)

(7) my ipod needs to always have a charge; and i’m changing my crappy, demon-possessed laptop for a snazzy new mac

(8) in addition to the starbucks, i need easy access to a sushi place–preferably an all-you-can-eat that is reasonably priced

(9) i know i said the place must have a pool, but now i’m thinking i just need to be at the beach—within walking distance of the ocean.

(10) occasional visits from kev will be fine, but he can’t stay more than two days a week–how else am i going to get anything done???

(11) i need to be surrounded by books–literature, magazines, newspapers from around the world

(12) no alarm clock

(13) my bank account should always have a minimum of $500 at all times–which means that whoever i’m swapping lives with has to be independently wealthy and willing to give me an allowance without expecting me to pay it back.

(14) i need some new, cute, strappy sandals–and some cute breezy dresses

(15) fresh fruit and cut flowers and candles galore!

okay–i know my life-swap rules are stupid and mean and not motherly in the least. i’m not feeling very motherly this week–probably because i’m making the transition from being gone all day babysitting teenagers to  being home  all day listening to jake and lily scream at each other nonstop. maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if i could see some light–some time away–some meaning? oohhh….that sounds harsher than i mean it to…

but, since this is the first time i’ve blogged all week, and lily is screeching to go back upstairs to my mother (who is still here), i’m not apologizing.