i’m freaking out over jake going to college. i don’t want him to be 5 hours away. i don’t want him to be lonely. i don’t want him to fail.

but these things are all possibilities.  and i don’t like them.

east carolina has several things going on that supposedly will help him (a 2-day orientation, a freshman dorm, 1st year student group), but these are no guarentees that life will be good. i worry because he keeps losing his wallet and keys, and he gets flustered easily then loses his bearings, and he’s a loner. these things do not make me very happy (OMG>>>he just came down here and asked me if i knew where his phone is!!! see what i mean?).

college is such a big deal, and it’s so far away, and i don’t think he’s thinking about that. maybe i should tell him that he should stay here and go to community college for 2 years before he goes off and wastes money or gets in trouble partying. i don’t want him to be one of those kids who gets stone drunk and falls off a roof or balcony. or dies of alcohol poisoning. i’m totally freaking out about all this, and there’s no one to talk to about it–no one who’s gone through it and has been successful. all my friends’ sons didn’t last very long at college (one is a papa–definitely don’t want that!)…and i can’t base my freaking outs on girls’ success–girls are different in school than boys.

so here i sit. silently freaking out. alone.

i need a drink!!